Do I trust you Lord?

On my walk yesterday I felt led to offer up each of my children and grandchildren to the Lord. I thought of the way Barbara Johnson does this: She visualizes wrapping up her child in lovely box with pretty paper and a bow. Then in her mind's eye she climbs the steps of heaven and puts the box at Jesus feet. Then she watches as he bends down and draws the box into his lap. He tenderly unwraps it and lifts out the child inside. Then she takes a last look and walks back down the steps leaving the child there for Jesus to love and care for. In visualizing that the hardest part is always to turn and walk back down leaving my child there. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
So yesterday I did that mental exercise for each of my kids, individually.
My Ruth's box was wrapped in Victorian paper with a silver bow. She was dressed in something retro from Kay's collectibles , looking very elegant.
Vincent was in a tool box, of course, looking very manly .
Alanah was dressed casual but had stuffed in her knitting needles and latest project.
Jacob was in his 'big boy bag 'with snacks and toys.
Deborah was in her bathrobe with dog leashes and her bagel recipe.
Micah had to cram his drawing table and guitar into his box and add a cartoon character to the top.
Then there is my Gabriel/ Ashley. That box was a jumble of various pieces of attire , adding also cell phone and computer.
I did OK until I had to leave them there. My heart gave a lurch.
Then I walked away singing,
I will trust you Lord, I will trust you Lord, I choose to trust you.

Changes

Loving prodigals is challenging. But I found two friends who share my situation and we have covenanted to pray for each other and our kids. I immediately thought the first benefit would be to fix our kids. But I already see that God has a more important plan, to 'fix' us.
Some of the things I want to change are:
Worry that makes me lose sleep
Putting kids ahead of my husband in my thoughts and plans.
Critical spirit and slander
Unforgiveness
I bet God has a bigger list and I am sure we will explore it over the months to come.
For now, I quote David from Psalm 54:4
Behold, God is my helper( actually I am His). The LORD is the sustainer of my soul.